Reflections

“Bring your worthless offerings no longer, Incense is an abomination to Me. New moon and sabbath, the calling of assemblies— I cannot endure iniquity and the solemn assembly. I hate your new moon festivals and your appointed feasts, They have become a burden to Me; I am weary of bearing them. So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood. “Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Remove the evil of your deeds from My sight. Cease to do evil, Learn to do good; Seek justice, Reprove the ruthless, Defend the orphan, Plead for the widow.”

‭‭ISAIAH‬ ‭1:13-17‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The Easter holiday is upon us once again. This is considered Holy Week since many religious traditions are observed and we commiserate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I grew up in church and Easter is the Sunday most people go to church. It is one of the most heavily attended Sundays and churches prepare for the influx of guests and hope to win people to the Lord, since many non believers will be in attendance. It is the time we get our best outfits and prepare wonderful meals. It is a time for family and friends. It is a time for Easter egg hunts, Easter baskets and even the Easter bunny. Stores advertise candy and many treats for your Easter celebration,

Why is Easter such a big deal to us? Why does this particular holiday draw people to church and even those who have not been to church in a while. If you are reading this and have not attended church in a while or since last Easter, why are you going? Who are you trying to impress? God? Do you think God is impressed with all the pomp and circumstance that surrounds our Easter tradition?

Jesus Christ is our focus during Easter. We celebrate His death and resurrection. He took our sins upon himself and was sacrificed. He was without sin and became a sin offering. Jesus rose again after the third day and we are made alive in Him. In exchange for our sins we are given Jesus’ righteousness. This is why Easter is such a big occasion. It is also a great opportunity to tell others about Jesus, to share the good news of the gospel. So where is the hypocrisy?

As Christians we boast in our righteousness and in our traditions. We esteem ourselves very highly in this season by doing fasts, penance, and making sacrifices. We put on holiness like it is some garment. Yet we do not deal with the sin in our own lives. This is why Jesus died for us. As God states in Isaiah 1 we come to these solemn assemblies or religious gatherings with iniquity in our hearts. Our hands are covered in blood from our sins. We are not concerned about confessing our sins, turning back to God nor repenting of our evil ways.

The Apostle John says if we say we have no sin we are liars and the truth is not in us (1John 1:8). We are to confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. The reason God is faithful to forgive us, is because what Jesus did. This should be our focus on Easter – to examine our own hearts and confess our sins.

We will attend church on Easter, give God our praise and bring Him an offering. However, most will return to their idols (those things they esteem more than God) and evil ways over the next few weeks. We will lose interest in sharing the gospel or participating in the things of God. No wonder God is tired of our festivities when there is no real repentance and change in our behavior.

The challenge for you this year at Easter is to really understand the work Jesus did, open ourselves up to be examined and turn from our own wicked ways. It is not just about the sin of the one separated from Christ, but also for those of us in Christ to have our hearts searched. It is an opportunity to make a real commitment to Christ and not just give lip service about how we are going to change. God is not looking for our sacrifices. He is not interested in our traditions or festivals. David said it best:

“For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

‭‭PSALMS‬ ‭51:16-17‬ ‭NASB‬‬

God is looking for us to turn from evil and seek to do Good. God provided the sacrifice and a promise to make us righteous, we just have to continue to receive His gift of forgiveness by confessing our sins.

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“we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.”

‭‭2 CORINTHIANS‬ ‭4:8-10‬ ‭NASB‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

I must admit I love pastoring. I do not do it begrudgingly. There is an absolute joy in helping people and leading people to Christ. I know God has called me and it has only been His grace that sustains me. Yet there is this other part that is painful, it is the dying of self, the brokenness one must endure to be all that God wants a pastor to be. You are a shepherd and you must fellowship with Jesus in His suffering. It is this suffering that can make you a better pastor or cause you to abandon your calling.

This is the continuation of my list of my own personal struggles:

THE PULPIT

I never understood people’s fascination with the pulpit and their desire to be in it. It is probably my least favorite thing about pastoring. Why? Because you really have to perform. You cannot truly be yourself and transparent, you have to act out your faith. The pulpit is an act of faith for the pastor. We have to be the person God is conforming us to be even if we have not arrived there yet. It amazes me that God will use the most damaged people in the pulpit to deliver His message. Ones that are still bound in their sins, yet delivering messages of forgiveness and freedom. Ones that battle depression, talking about joy and peace. Preaching messages of faith but full of doubt and unbelief. I read a testimony of a pastor who preached great messages on Easter Sunday then was curled up in a ball at the end of the day in tears. The pulpit is our stage for God to demonstrate His power but it is also the place we are dying inside. We have to speak messages of love, hope and faith. The pulpit is not our confessional. It is the place God’s glory is displayed. It is the place where God will take the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. I am amazed at God’s love, mercy and grace. I have experienced it for myself in the pulpit and I have marveled at God because of others I see in the pulpit knowing just how broken and messed up they are in the body of Christ. Yet I fear those that will allow their pride and arrogance to be on full display in the pulpit because God opposes the proud. The pulpit is for God’s glory. It is not the place for me to shine or make it about me. I am God’s messenger and that is the purpose of the pulpit to lead people to Jesus. Just know it is behind the pulpit I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling. It is also the place I am the weakest, and Christ’s strength is on full display.

THE DEVIL

Many in the church really do not understand and under estimate the devil. He is out to kill, steal and destroy. This is a battle that wearies the soul, mind and body. I remember the year I got ordained. I got sick and almost died. It was the battle for my life. When I look back it does not compare what I have endured these past few years. The devil is seeking whom he can devour. He looks for our weakness and attacks. My weakness has always been my mind. For so many years I carried a spirit of condemnation, that spirit can cripple a pastor because no matter what you do, it is not good enough. The devil wants me to quit, to walk away. This past year every tactic to get me to quit has been thrown my way. I praise God I am an intercessor and have learned to battle in prayer. The devil knows if he can strike down the head, the sheep will scatter. Just look at what happens when a pastor is struck down. So I encourage you to pray for your pastor. They are on the devil’s hit list.

GOD

God will not share His glory. The more He has given you to do the more is required of you. It will cost you your life. You cannot remain the person you were before your calling. A crushing must take place. I imagine a wild horse that has to be broken. You don’t tame a wild animal by talking to it. You must break its will. In order for God’s glory to shine through us, He breaks our will. This is the part of God we don’t discuss. We love to talk about our free will but it really has no place in the pulpit. God prunes, He disciplines, He refines. This process is painful because so much is taken from us. Remember Paul asked the thorn in his flesh to be removed but God said no. God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. At times it can be too much to bear and you want to quit. God’s word to me is to endure.

SIN

If I say I do not sin, I am a liar and the truth is not in me. I think the difference between us and Jesus is Jesus hated sin. I don’t hate sin like a Jesus. I hate the consequence of sin but I don’t hate sin. When we think of sin we think of the seven deadly sins we have listed. For God sin is more than that. Sin separates us from God. It is not that God expects us to be free of sin but that we are to confess our sins so that He will forgive us. I have seen people walk away from God’s calling because of their sin. The guilt and shame becomes too much. The longer we fail to confess it the more the rift there is between us and God. I cannot pastor apart from God. Sin will hinder the work God has called me to. So I must be open for God’s examination of my heart and spend time confessing and repenting. God is so faithful to forgive us of our sins.

Everything that is working in me and my struggles are part of God’s plan to perfect me in His image. The journey is not easy. I am confident it will work out for my good. I know God is building my character and preparing me for all He has for me to do. I also know my struggle is for you, so that I may lead you on your own spiritual journey with God. It is not easy but we press on.

Please pray for your pastor. Do not make their job any harder than it is. There are those that struggle with various issues. God has provided a way for them to endure. Pray that we find our way and our victory.

Next time I will share how I am overcoming these struggles.

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“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”

‭‭1 CORINTHIANS‬ ‭10:13‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When people think of a pastor failing they think in the context of the seven deadly sins organized by early Christian teachers. These teachers had listed the seven deadly sins as pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth. So many think if a pastor can avoid these temptations they will be successful. They also believe these are the battles a pasture must overcome. The above referenced verse says that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. Often times we mistakenly think this verse is about God not allowing a trial or tribulation to be beyond what we can bear. This is not true because what we fail to discuss as pastors is the breaking we must endure. The greatest temptation I would argue is not walking away from our calling.

A pastor is called to shepherd Jesus’ sheep. It is an awesome and great responsibility. As a pastor we must give an account of those who God has entrusted us with as well as ourselves. This in itself can be an overwhelming responsibility but with the Holy Spirit’s help we are able to accomplish what God has entrusted us with. So why do so many pastors fail?

I have reflected on this for the past year. I have been a pastor for 10 years and the pressure and desire to quit is at an all time high. It is not a feeling of burn out but instead a temptation to walk away from all God has called me to be because the price I am paying is too much.

In the past year I have learned of more pastors committing suicide than my previous nine years. The reason may be I have for the first time have had true empathy and not a judgmental spirit. I can empathize with what they are going through. I know mental illness can play a part but I think we often use mental illness as a way of saying that was their problem and not mine. I can relate to the despair, hopelessness, pressure, and burden it is to shepherd a church. This is not a problem for just pastors who have mega churches but I know we all have experienced the temptation to quit. Do keep in mind that often sin is just a coping mechanism to deal with the pressure we feel. So let me confess my own pressure and temptation to walk away from everything God has called me to do.

PEOPLE

The worse thing a pastor can be is a people pleaser. If this is your weakness pastoring will be impossible. You cannot please people. They will applaud you one day and curse you the next. This was Saul’s demise – he chose the people over God. We must learn to be obedient to God and shepherd people according to His direction. The best advice I received as a new associate pastor was to wear people like a loose garment. In other words know when it is time to just let go and stop trying to please everyone. It may sound cruel but I have learned people are going to behave the way they want to behave. Do not let them take you down the way they have deemed to be right in their own eyes. Follow Jesus, He is the one we are to emulate not man.

Also people are not your barometer on how gifted, anointed or valued you are in the Kingdom. A pastor of thousands is not valued more than a pastor of ten by God. People may scoff at pastors who shepherd a few and be mesmerized by those who can charm thousands. So don’t compare yourself to others or judge your worth by “your followers”. People ultimately belong to Jesus not us. They are not our people nor are they our sheep. Demonstrate the love of Christ and ensure you are pointing people in Hid direction and not yours. God will not share His glory with man.

From my own personal experience I have allowed people to gauge my value by God. Now that I am experiencing a season of great turmoil they are not around. I am truly in a desert place.

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Photo Credit Kristina Tripkovic

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