“we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.”
2 CORINTHIANS 4:8-10 NASB
I must admit I love pastoring. I do not do it begrudgingly. There is an absolute joy in helping people and leading people to Christ. I know God has called me and it has only been His grace that sustains me. Yet there is this other part that is painful, it is the dying of self, the brokenness one must endure to be all that God wants a pastor to be. You are a shepherd and you must fellowship with Jesus in His suffering. It is this suffering that can make you a better pastor or cause you to abandon your calling.
This is the continuation of my list of my own personal struggles:
THE PULPIT
I never understood people’s fascination with the pulpit and their desire to be in it. It is probably my least favorite thing about pastoring. Why? Because you really have to perform. You cannot truly be yourself and transparent, you have to act out your faith. The pulpit is an act of faith for the pastor. We have to be the person God is conforming us to be even if we have not arrived there yet. It amazes me that God will use the most damaged people in the pulpit to deliver His message. Ones that are still bound in their sins, yet delivering messages of forgiveness and freedom. Ones that battle depression, talking about joy and peace. Preaching messages of faith but full of doubt and unbelief. I read a testimony of a pastor who preached great messages on Easter Sunday then was curled up in a ball at the end of the day in tears. The pulpit is our stage for God to demonstrate His power but it is also the place we are dying inside. We have to speak messages of love, hope and faith. The pulpit is not our confessional. It is the place God’s glory is displayed. It is the place where God will take the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. I am amazed at God’s love, mercy and grace. I have experienced it for myself in the pulpit and I have marveled at God because of others I see in the pulpit knowing just how broken and messed up they are in the body of Christ. Yet I fear those that will allow their pride and arrogance to be on full display in the pulpit because God opposes the proud. The pulpit is for God’s glory. It is not the place for me to shine or make it about me. I am God’s messenger and that is the purpose of the pulpit to lead people to Jesus. Just know it is behind the pulpit I am working out my salvation with fear and trembling. It is also the place I am the weakest, and Christ’s strength is on full display.
THE DEVIL
Many in the church really do not understand and under estimate the devil. He is out to kill, steal and destroy. This is a battle that wearies the soul, mind and body. I remember the year I got ordained. I got sick and almost died. It was the battle for my life. When I look back it does not compare what I have endured these past few years. The devil is seeking whom he can devour. He looks for our weakness and attacks. My weakness has always been my mind. For so many years I carried a spirit of condemnation, that spirit can cripple a pastor because no matter what you do, it is not good enough. The devil wants me to quit, to walk away. This past year every tactic to get me to quit has been thrown my way. I praise God I am an intercessor and have learned to battle in prayer. The devil knows if he can strike down the head, the sheep will scatter. Just look at what happens when a pastor is struck down. So I encourage you to pray for your pastor. They are on the devil’s hit list.
GOD
God will not share His glory. The more He has given you to do the more is required of you. It will cost you your life. You cannot remain the person you were before your calling. A crushing must take place. I imagine a wild horse that has to be broken. You don’t tame a wild animal by talking to it. You must break its will. In order for God’s glory to shine through us, He breaks our will. This is the part of God we don’t discuss. We love to talk about our free will but it really has no place in the pulpit. God prunes, He disciplines, He refines. This process is painful because so much is taken from us. Remember Paul asked the thorn in his flesh to be removed but God said no. God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. At times it can be too much to bear and you want to quit. God’s word to me is to endure.
SIN
If I say I do not sin, I am a liar and the truth is not in me. I think the difference between us and Jesus is Jesus hated sin. I don’t hate sin like a Jesus. I hate the consequence of sin but I don’t hate sin. When we think of sin we think of the seven deadly sins we have listed. For God sin is more than that. Sin separates us from God. It is not that God expects us to be free of sin but that we are to confess our sins so that He will forgive us. I have seen people walk away from God’s calling because of their sin. The guilt and shame becomes too much. The longer we fail to confess it the more the rift there is between us and God. I cannot pastor apart from God. Sin will hinder the work God has called me to. So I must be open for God’s examination of my heart and spend time confessing and repenting. God is so faithful to forgive us of our sins.
Everything that is working in me and my struggles are part of God’s plan to perfect me in His image. The journey is not easy. I am confident it will work out for my good. I know God is building my character and preparing me for all He has for me to do. I also know my struggle is for you, so that I may lead you on your own spiritual journey with God. It is not easy but we press on.
Please pray for your pastor. Do not make their job any harder than it is. There are those that struggle with various issues. God has provided a way for them to endure. Pray that we find our way and our victory.
Next time I will share how I am overcoming these struggles.
Reflections 